Biblical Negotiation: Resolving Conflict with the PAUSE Principle

Conflict is an inevitable part of life. Whether in personal relationships, workplace disputes, or community disagreements, conflict often arises when different interests, desires, or perspectives clash. Many people respond to conflict in one of two ways: aggressively seeking their own way or passively giving in to avoid confrontation. However, neither approach leads to lasting peace or mutual growth. Instead, a biblical approach to negotiation, such as using PAUSE principles, provides a framework that fosters reconciliation, preserves relationships, and honors God.

One of the most effective biblical strategies for handling disputes is the PAUSE Principle, a method developed by Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries. This approach emphasizes love, wisdom, and cooperation in negotiation, focusing on principles drawn directly from Scripture. The PAUSE Principle consists of five essential steps:

1. Prepare – Pray, gather facts, seek godly counsel, and develop options.
2. Affirm Relationships – Show genuine concern and respect for others.
3. Understand Interests – Identify underlying concerns, desires, and motivations.
4. Search for Creative Solutions – Brainstorm mutually beneficial options.
5. Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably – Use objective criteria to reach a fair resolution.

By embracing this biblical model of negotiation, believers can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth, deeper relationships, and greater dependence on God.

Step 1: Prepare

Preparation is essential for successful negotiation. Proverbs 21:5 reminds us, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” Before entering a negotiation, take the following steps to prepare:

• Pray – Seek God’s wisdom, asking Him to guide your heart and words (James 1:5).
• Get the Facts – Avoid making assumptions. Gather relevant details to understand the full picture (Proverbs 18:13).
• Identify Issues and Interests – Look beyond the immediate disagreement to discern the root causes of the conflict.
• Study the Bible – Search Scripture for principles related to negotiation and conflict resolution.
• Develop Options – Brainstorm potential solutions that could benefit both parties.
• Anticipate Reactions – Consider how the other person may respond and plan how to address those reactions with grace and wisdom.
• Plan an Alternative – Have a backup plan in case a negotiated agreement isn’t possible.
• Select an Appropriate Time and Place – Choose a setting that fosters open and respectful communication.
• Plan Opening Remarks – Set a positive tone at the start of the conversation.
• Seek Counsel – Consult a trusted mentor, pastor, or advisor for insight (Proverbs 11:14).

Taking time to prepare allows you to approach negotiations with a clear mind and a godly perspective, increasing the likelihood of a successful resolution.

Step 2: Affirm Relationships

Conflict often involves two key elements: people and problems. Many times, people focus solely on resolving the problem while neglecting the relationship. However, Jesus taught that relationships matter deeply. Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

To affirm relationships during negotiation:

• Communicate Courteously – Use words that build up rather than tear down (Ephesians 4:29).
• Address Personal Offenses Promptly – If the conflict involves hurt feelings, seek reconciliation first (Matthew 5:23-24).
• Submit to Authority – Respect leadership and be willing to listen (Hebrews 13:17).
• Seek to Understand – Listen actively and empathize with the other person’s perspective (James 1:19).
• Look Out for the Interests of Others – Demonstrate genuine care and concern (1 Corinthians 10:24).
• Address Sin Graciously – Confront wrongdoing with truth and love (Galatians 6:1).
• Allow Face-Saving – Give the other person space to make concessions without feeling shamed.
• Express Appreciation – Acknowledge their willingness to engage in the process.

By affirming the relationship, you create an atmosphere of trust that allows for honest and productive discussions.

Step 3: Understand Interests

Understanding interests is key to biblical negotiation. Many disputes escalate because people focus on their positions rather than their interests.

• Issues – The specific question or problem that needs resolution.
• Positions – The stance each person takes regarding the issue.
• Interests – The deeper motivations, desires, and needs underlying a position.

Focusing on interests rather than positions leads to more effective resolutions. Proverbs 20:5 states, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Before negotiating, make a list of your interests and priorities. During discussions, encourage the other party to share their interests and concerns. Look for common ground and redefine priorities to create a path toward agreement.

Step 4: Search for Creative Solutions

Rather than assuming there is only one way to resolve a conflict, look for multiple options that satisfy both parties. Ecclesiastes 4:9 suggests, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”

To find creative solutions:

• Encourage Open Discussion – Invite all parties to share ideas freely.
• Explore Alternative Perspectives – Consider solutions that may not have been initially apparent.
• Combine Options – The best resolution may involve merging multiple solutions.
• Identify Shared Interests – Find areas where both parties agree and build from there.

By working together to find solutions, negotiation can transform from a battleground into a collaborative effort for mutual benefit.

Step 5: Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably

Once possible solutions have been identified, it’s important to evaluate them based on biblical principles rather than personal opinions.

• Use Objective Criteria – Ensure fairness and biblical alignment.
• Maintain a Reasonable Attitude – Approach discussions with humility and patience.
• Listen Respectfully – Give full attention to the other person’s concerns.
• Put Yourself in Their Shoes – Consider how you would want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).
• Avoid Emotional Pressure – Keep discussions focused on facts and solutions.
• Put Agreements in Writing – Clearly outline the resolution to prevent future misunderstandings.

Colossians 3:15 reminds us, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Evaluating options wisely ensures a resolution that honors both God and those involved.

Conclusion

The PAUSE Principle is a biblically rooted strategy for negotiating conflict in a way that fosters peace, preserves relationships, and glorifies God. By preparing in advance, affirming relationships, understanding interests, searching for creative solutions, and evaluating options fairly, believers can transform conflicts into opportunities for mutual understanding and reconciliation.

If you want to learn more about biblical conflict resolution, visit jameslongjr.org for additional resources, podcasts, and coaching materials. Let us seek to be peacemakers who reflect Christ in all our interactions (Matthew 5:9).

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